i hope you dont mind this, im so sorry if you didnt want it seen. but this is affecting me so much that i almost called you. that i almost ran right up to your door and pounded as loud as my heart in this stuffy room. im sick, and glad, and hurt, and confused, and hopefull and hopeless. but they are your words.

from a neighbor:

"i wanted to email you.. but i have no idea of what to write i kinda just go blank , crazy joe : ) i guess... i could write about how im doing, that always seems to be ok a broken and contrite heart.... a few simple words to explain the painting of my life right now God has been doing good with keeping me humble before Him i find myself in new situations every day, all of which im relying more and more on Him to pull me through, *and i know you would say, there is no situation that we can go through without God* and you're absolutely right, u always did state what should be obvious, but for some reason i never bother to see it, but im in a dangerous place, i need prayer im "beating my flesh into submission" as paul put it so well but on the other side of the coin, depression is not far behind i've come to find a delicate balance in humbleness i am made nothing, to become something but for some reason i only see the first half, and not the become something there is a deep sadness that is latched onto my heart for the past few days, that through prayer im overcoming, but it hurts to struggle, haha, just keep denying satan or my flesh the pleasure and keep the joy of the Lord as my strength : ) my ambition is to follow the Lord, but, i also am beginning to see what it means to do so, no easy cookie to swallow, but its good im seeing this, because it makes Him my only strength, not myself : ) but aside from all that believe it or not : ) i still read your diary ok i misunderstood it in the past that is most definately true... but i dont believe i misunderstood a not to far from recent entry, i think you know which one im talking about ur not the only one who shares that, haha, watch me be totally off and you be talking about someone totally different stupid stuff? i guess it is... now that i think about it... better days... i wish it wasnt true in fact i wish i could wake up under a different sky and about a year and 3 months ago but God operates in grace, and forgiveness, not time distortions *by His own choosing of course* florida steals my view... scott i suppose : ) i understand, i have no idea how you and scott are but i do know what my heart feels, and florida steals away my view also i want her up her i suppose as much as you want scott, or florida but i do still carry one in my heart knowing what promises God has for you makes me happy seeing your heart for God, no matter what you say, makes me happy, even if i only see your heart on a web page, or an online conversation once in a blue moon, or for 5 minutes at a show better days... perhaps will become even better someday someday... "See behold, I do a work in you even now. My grace showers upon your heart and my mercy abundant for thee oh child of God. My love is as streams flowing from my heart to yours. Thou shall rise and sing a new song before your God. For I desire nothing than for My children to worship me so that I may keep them under my wing, for this world is bitter and cruel, but from My hands shall I make thy heart burn through this dark earth and flow through the shadows of hearts yet to come." "

<< >>