so at 4 i had cried all i could
my body unable to create any more tears
and by 6 i was asleep
through the night
and to this morning
13 hours of sleep
and enough time to create
all the tears i cried this morning
when i awoke
the feeling you could not feel
has all taken over me
and i cant speak
with out the streams
ill stammer
to speak of you at all
would there be others that would still
wait for ever, stand by you now
wish for time to stand still
let all hands
alone
for you?
and ive told myself to let go
(i wont)
and not wait for ever
(i cant)
and move on
(unable)
and leave
all ive come back to
is all that ive started with
and i want to hate you
to blame my heart
(bleeding broken still believing)
but there is no hate i can find
unless i have lulled myself far away, and blind
it hurts one thousand thousand times more
all i can do is love
and want you back here
though every second kills me
and all my sin, ever laid before me
and all yours
and all theirs
enough to keep us away for long
and if i never come back there?
what has happened to me
ill sit here sobbing
leave me alone
but come back
birmingham lacks so much beauty now
but beauty holds so much pain

O God, what are your plans
Dear Lord, the future holds
informed not to cry, not to hide, not to sew
the seed of self-pity
i cant eat when he's around. and i cant
eat when he's not found.
and i am Your child with
no excuses, with out complaint.
i know i am not supposed to say,(there is a better way)
but im hurting--do you respond,
"your choice?"--and the picture of myself by You
seems child-like and perfect.
ive scraped my knees perpetually.
and You've found me again.
ill sit bleeding as the crying begins.
its just a little time til You make me whole again.
i wanted to tell you how he was treating me,
and do You think thats ok?
and You point out how ive treated the others on my way.
but that though the weeping may last through the night,
joy comes in the morning.
how long before morning?
will there still be mourning?
i would pray for him to feel,
even an ounce of my own,
but Lord whatever your doing, you dont need my advice.
i just want to let you know, im still here loving You first.
i want to stay in that place and sing loud songs to you all day.
it is a better place there than a thousand elsewhere.
and Lord You say there is nothing new under the sun.
and You've always taken care of me before.
and i've lived loving You because You do.
though this may slay me, i'll trust You.
though this may slay me, i'll follow You.
though this may slay me, i love You.

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