i wish you only knew. so you could tell me. i wish i could be consistant. so i could show you. so many things a reflection of your influence. i am influenced by 'small' interests, right attitudes, writing habits.

im not a good babysitter. the kids are in bed but one had a small bathroom incident which consisted of a floral-print pillow, and a now wet pair of underwear. my fault because i tried to make them stay semi-stationary...kids are like me, i am like kids. i dont wet my pants but i dont listen to whats said. i feel awful about that pillow...

reading the story of the three little pigs. 2 were lazy and didnt do the job right. 1 did. and the one who built his house with the right materials was still sitting enjoying his dinner and coffee(pigs dont drink coffee) and i think what ive constructed my satisfaction, fulfillment, and completeness out of would also be so easily blown away. but oh to be the one who found the right materials..

and Jesus, You are. and i am being a kid. and i dont listen. i dont realize. its all still a reoccuring epiphany. like the person who sees their reflection only to forget it with a glance away. ive found who i am and who i need to be..but ive turned and seen what everyone else has to say. this time my house will not be blown down(ive decided) but build me as i crumble to You.

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