sharon told me to lighten up

i wonder, am i too legalistic, because compared to other people i am, but i should not compare myself to others. i wonder, do i take things too seriously, to the point where i cannot enjoy a movie that other people think is hilarious? but i find no joy in this world.

i dont want to waste away my life on worries and legalistic standards, and always be critical.

i think, however, that i am learning how short my days are here, and i am tired of wasting time, and i want to do nothing but what will count for eternity. when i was 12 i went to lunch with a group of girls from my church, and when i started asking my friends what they thanked God for in their lives, one of those girls turned to me and said that we didnt have to talk about God all the time. the other girls agreed. i dont even remember being close to God at that point in my life, however, i had learned enough from church to assume that if you were a Christian you were to be captured by that, and want to talk about it. that response made a lasting impression on me, i guess i always remember the strangest comments. there has to be a balance between the two extremes, but we are told to be fools for Christ, and i am tired of a Christianity that is culturally acceptable. its time for us to be extreme in our faith and be captured by Him. i dont want to talk about anything else, because whats the point?

God, teach me to laugh, and enjoy life. give me only your discernment, and not the kind that comes from wanting to follow a list of rules. You have abolished the law, and we live by grace. i pray that you take my critical heart from me and teach me to laugh. but God, i still pray that i will be so radical for you that people will have to say something, i want to be a fool for you.

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