it seems hard sometimes, frequently now, for me to understand how to celebrate Christmas. gift giving is warming for some time, how i do love to see family members recieve, but it fades. and i dont remember gifts past a few hours. so Christmas has turned in my mind to an odd atmosphere of sorts. it consists of red and green, colored lights, presents and bows. it consists of charity noted in society for a day or so, of special christmas services, of old christmas tunes sung grimly.."hark, the herold angels sing..." and honestly these are all things for which my heart does not leap and cry out in joy. but day to day i rejoice and cry out and sing about the man for which this holiday celebrates...so could it be that though these december-associated activities and traditions are lacking? or could it be a lack of understanding or a lack of appreciation for whom i testify to be saved by? i hope its the prior, but even if that is true, i hope to find a way to celebrate in a way He deems worthy. to find my own way of 'pondering all these things in [my] heart'. but i know i am lazily living right now. dear God, i know there is nothing new under the sun. my laziness is nothing new, and You know me better than anyone else. please begin a work in me. Lord, i live for you, and i know there is so much more You want and desire in me than what i am letting You have and do.

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